Sandy Sez
Sandy Sez

Dear Sandy,
    My husband wanted me to write to you because he says I worry too much. To be fair, I do tend to worry a lot at times. People have been let go from my job and I worry that I will be let go and then what will happen? I am afraid that I won’t be able to pay the bills and that we could lose our house, and on and on. If one of our kids gets sick, I worry that it could become something really bad and that all sorts of terrible things could happen. Every time I have worried like this, things have turned out ok, so maybe I am worrying too much, but I don’t know how to stop.


Dear M.J.,
    If your worrying is getting in the way of you performing well at work and you are having difficulty maintaining relationships, I suggest that you speak to your medical doctor. What you describe, however, is excessive, unnecessary worrying. You are worrying about things that may happen and tend to not happen. This is not uncommon and it is also not particularly useful.
    Your worry is actually fear. Fear is okay–we all are fearful from time to time. When we are fearful, however, we need to move through it. One way to move through fear is to realize that the opposite of fear is faith. So, when you notice that you are feeling afraid, utilize your faith. I am not speaking strictly about religious faith. I am also speaking about faith in general. For example, faith in yourself and your abilities, faith in your husband and your marriage, faith that things always work out. In doing this, you are working from a place of strength rather than weakness.


Dear Sandy,
    I am 21 years old and a sophomore in college. The last girlfriend in my group of friends just got engaged. I don’t even have a boyfriend. I feel left out and like there is something wrong with me. My mom says I shouldn’t worry about it. I know she is right but, I am afraid that I am doing something wrong with my life since everyone else is married or engaged!


Dear P.R.,
    It is very easy to feel left out and as though you are doing something wrong when what you are doing is different from the crowd. Be careful, though! Notice I used the word “different,” not the word “wrong.”
    You are in college. You are developing yourself. You are preparing yourself for your future. Up through high school graduation, you and your friends did everything pretty much at the same time. Now that you are all out in the world as young adults, you will each take paths that will allow you to learn different things about yourselves and the world at different times. Some people choose the early route of marriage to define themselves and some people choose work or school for self-definition.
    Many young adults are overwhelmed by the idea of becoming independent and unsure of how to do it. The way to do it is to take one step at a time, learn from that step and make the next step with the knowledge gained from the previous step. Just like you do at school and have always done, keep your eye on the goal and your focus on what you need to do right now.
    It is very important to develop personal strength, to develop your own ideas and values and to learn personal and social responsibility. These are some of the qualities that define a mature adult. It is when we have defined our own selves that we make the best choices, both short-term and long-term. Explore your interests and develop your own ideas. In this process you will learn about yourself and you will meet someone worthy of marrying.


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Published in the Sep/Oct 2011 edition of the Old Towne Orange Plaza Review

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