Dear Sandy Sez,
I am exhausted from two weeks of drama with my friends. I am 19 years old and in my first year of college. I am still friends with the people I went to high school with. There are a couple of friends and another friend that I have had the trouble with. The one friend would not return my calls and then was rude to me when she saw me. The other two friends told me that I have changed and that I think I am better than them. I finally talked to all of them and we got it straightened out but, I really dont know what happened to have all of this drama! Is there something you can help me with about all of this?
Well, it sounds like you did a number of things right with your friends. You did not get angry and you were persistent in resolving the situation. As for how all of this came to be, there are a couple of things to consider: one is your actions that may have caused concern with your friends. Is there something in the way you behaved that left them with the feeling that you feel superior to them? In the case of the individual friend, is there something that you may have done that caused her to feel hurt or angry? It is good to review your behaviors, take responsibility for them and commit to do your best to not do those behaviors again.
The second thing to consider is that you are all growing and changing a bit. Throughout your school years all of you were in the same place, going through similar experiences together. You are now at a time in your lives where you are experiencing different things and growing differently from each other. This is bound to create some insecurities. Oftentimes, insecurity is the origin of difficult feelings.
Recognize that there are times when one friend will grow faster than another. One will get married first. Another friend will graduate from college first and another will make more money than the others. If we are truly a friend, we will celebrate our friends accomplishments and use their successes to motivate us to achieve in our own lives. We will all grow differently from the experiences life offers us and true friends make lifes journey more pleasurable!
Dear Sandy Sez,
My 13 yearold daughter is becoming boy crazy and my husband and I are worried. We have talked to her about sex and all of that. She is doing okay in school. She just seems to get very excited about boys and wants to talk about them all of the time. We want her to have more balance in her life but of course, when we talk to her about all of that she thinks we are dorky! Help!
As I am sure you know, your daughter is very normal and becoming aware of the opposite sex (or the same sex, for that matter) is part of adolescence. The trick here is to guide her through this process with the goal of balancing her independence with her desire for interdependence with another.
Relationships offer different emotions to all of us. We seek relationships because we want to feel love, joy, excitement, satisfaction and fulfillment (to name a few). I think it is important to have interests and hobbies that offer us those same feelings so that we do not solely seek them from another person. Start seeking activities for you daughter to do with others and alone where she can achieve some of these feelings. Does she like scrappbooking, horses, sports, nature, etc? Take her to a craft store or on a hike to a nature preserve. Talk about the experience using feeling words. Let the hobbies develop naturally and lets see what she comes up with for her own sense of fulfillment.
To submit a question, please send to SandySez@earthlink.net.
Published in the May/Jun 2011 edition of the Old Towne Orange Plaza Review
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